I just can't seem to sleep lately. I'm laying awake late at night, thinking thinking thinking on all the past tragedies, stress and people I've lost whom I loved. At least 2-3 hours a night I lay awake thinking, how could I have prevented this from happening? How can I make it better now? When theres nothing I can do.  

I've noticed not only can I not sleep, the last couple of days I've had no appetite and I try to force myself to eat;while at the same I keep looking at myself like I shouldn't eat because I'm just a fat blob anyways.Now I'm having nightmares that won't go away.

Yesterday morning I fell asleep around 5 am woke up around 10 after having a crazy dream that was similiar to many horrorflicks well in just one way but it was still weird. I guess the dream wasn't that bad but it was enough to wake me up.

I dreamt that I was babysitting while taking care of my own buisness such as laundry and household things. Which is pretty normal. But the house I lived in was like a 3 story house. At some point I got locked into like a attic. Where I couldn't breathe so it felt and I couldn't get out. However my dream was really sketchy because I don't know how I got stuck in the places I did or how I got out. But at some point in my dream I was standing in front of a mirror and it looked like I  was eithe really tired or worn out, when I first looked. Then I turned away and looked back and just like in some horror movies I saw myself but it was like someone else was there like behind me ready to hurt me. Thats when I started running after my friend who was also home with me, I don't know which friend it was or who it was actually but I warned them danger was there. I ended up murdering two men and one of the other "killers" got away. I think it was a woman. This dream was so weird and makes no sense if you really think about it. It was just weird.

Then another dream I had wasn't scary but was just silly, I was at dinner with my family and a tv star but at first I didn't know it was her. She's from a show called "Still Standing" Basically one of the main character's siblings, and I remembered her because I could sympathize with how she was treated and how she felt, and it was like we got really close and started hanging out together. That dream was pretty cool in it's own way.

Really weird dreams lately. Hopefully I start having some good ones.

Just something I've got to say whether its read or not,

I really wonder these days who is trust worthy anymore? Who can you tell anything to without it being spread around? And most importantly why when you hear one thing about someone you are so dam quick to believe it instead of talking to that person first? Why? Can no one speak for themselves anymore? Heh, speaking for yourself apparently is something another person has to do for you. What the hell is that?

It's sad when you think you have best friends and in all reality they're not your friends, they're just two faced and know how to put up that front for you so you believe they'll keep a secret to themselves or a situation that you trusted them with because you didn't know who else to go to.

I thought being a friend or even a best friend meant you were there for that person through everything and are ALWAYS there for them. That doesn't mean anything to a majority of the people I know anymore. So think about what kind of friend are you really? Hmm...

People are so quick to talk behind one another's backs. Just can't keep anyone's name out their mouths. Why don't you just stop talking all that smack and worry about yourself, and if you really feel you need to say something, confirm what your talking about, instead of just making a rumor bigger than what it actually is.

Just grow the fuck up.